Three Takeaways I Got from Therapy

Written on June 5th, 2020

Today was my last therapy session, five days before my official departure from UCSB. I am leaving campus as an undergraduate in a matter of days and it hasn’t hit me. I will be starting a new job at an electronic newsletter company and leaving UCSB with plenty of nerves. After speaking to my therapist of almost two years for the very last time, I felt sadness and anxiety in the gut of my stomach. I was not sure if I could survive without therapy. During those sessions, I uncovered my biggest fears, such as the painful grief of losing a loved one and failure in my career path. We talked through conflict resolution ideas for my relationships with coworkers, friends, and family. Most importantly, we addressed my personal issues with imposter syndrome, internal insecurities, as well as everyone’s favorite - people pleasing. We also had numerous conversations on a few of my favorite topics: vulnerability, pride, and overcoming hardship.

These sessions felt vital when I first began them and still do to this day. Frankly, I’m nervous to let go of a service that I grew dependent on for my well-being. I am going to miss my therapist dearly. I am going to miss having this form of healthy emotional release. With that, it’s important to acknowledge that many do not have the luxury of having or simply funding professional therapy services. I am truly fortunate and grateful for my time in therapy. Now that it has come to an end, I am reflecting deeply on the immense improvement I've made since beginning my self-love journey.

After nearly two years of therapy following an intense episode of disassociation, I have now officially let go of my professional support service. Although I will have to adapt to a routine that no longer includes biweekly appointments, I am confident that I will succeed in being a strong and self-sufficient individual with new self-therapy techniques under my belt! As someone who nearly depended on this service for survival, I have three main takeaways to share in my departure from therapy:

#1 Let Yourself Be

When first beginning my appointments, I was hyper focused on other people’s thoughts, opinions, and judgements about me. I was obsessing over pleasing people and ensuring they were happy with every action and movement I made. I constantly felt I had to be happy in order to be a good person. I did not allow myself to feel sadness, anger, or frustration - essentially any emotion associated with negativity, because, to me, that meant I was a bad person. However, these emotions are equally as important as my feelings of joy, excitement, and happiness. I want to prioritize this note to myself in order to let myself exist, fully and deeply. I learned that as long as I let myself exist and be human, with all emotions expressed, the happier, more productive, and efficient I will be as an individual.

#2 Accepting the Paradox of Life

As a certainty-obsessed person, there was a time when I refused to have any sort of in-between, because there could only be one certain and correct answer. However, life does not function in that manner. Life is endlessly bittersweet and paradoxical. In a moment that beauty lies, there may also be sadness and pain. When I am experiencing life at a high, there are often lows that are dwelling at the back of my mind. Regardless of where I am on Earth, I will always be missing another place and missing another person. However, finding peace in the place that I am, accepting that I may miss another place or person, but enjoying the moment I am in now, is the key to finding joy and peace in the paradox of life.

#3 You Know Who You Are

As I have lived this life with myself everyday, I know myself best. In being knowledgeable of my own motives, goals, and tendencies, I am set and ready to take on new challenges. In knowing who I am, I have created personalized healing spaces for myself. I am capable of looking at my life from a bird’s eye view and understanding why I am experiencing certain feelings, whether it be systemic issues or childhood experiences. Conclusively, I know who I am, based on my own socialization experience, and because of that I will be strong enough to overcome any obstacle that comes my way.

No Mud, No Lotus is a book written by Thich Nhat Hanh that has inspired me to practice peace, embrace who I am, and accept life’s tumultuous obstacles through my last couple months of therapy. Also, in the case that these three takeaways do not hold strong in supporting me through the next couple months without therapy, I thought it would be helpful to create a customized list of the tasks I can complete to exhaust all my options before returning to full-on, established therapy services.

My Self-Therapy Techniques:

• Reach out to loved ones who may be open to listening and supporting you. (Be sure not to make them your therapist though!)

• Journal your feelings as though you are speaking to someone, even yourself.

• Participate in enjoyable activities that help you navigate or release difficult emotions, instead of ignoring them. (Ex. Painting, dancing, singing, exercising, making cards, taking a gratitude walk, playing board games with family, reading, or using your imagination.)

• Listen to your favorite songs or music that brings you peace or emotional release.

• Have a treat that makes your heart happy and celebrate each bite!

• Plan out a goal that will give you something to look forward to. Then, cut the goal into short-term goals that are achievable for the next couple of days, weeks, or months.

• Actively practice gratitude by acknowledging ten aspects of your life you are thankful for.

These are a few ideas I’ve thrown together to keep myself as healthy as possible through self-sufficient techniques. Therapy services can be expensive and they are truly a luxury to have on a regular basis. As a UCSB student, I am fortunate to have had these services available to me at my academic institution.

Overall, I believe I will succeed in staying healthy by practicing my own therapy techniques of release. I am hoping to live a more self-sufficient lifestyle with these takeaways and this action list, as a reminder that I am more than capable of achieving my goals as a college graduate!

No Mud, No Lotus Photo is from Parallax Press.